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About Deviant amandaFemale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 9 Years
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anatomy practice by CarmellaLeigh anatomy practice :iconcarmellaleigh:CarmellaLeigh 0 0 let your soul weep by CarmellaLeigh let your soul weep :iconcarmellaleigh:CarmellaLeigh 1 0 holding on by CarmellaLeigh holding on :iconcarmellaleigh:CarmellaLeigh 0 0
fear of darkness
When I was little,
and waiting for sleep to take me,
I would lie in my bed,
the covers clenched tightly over my head.
I would see horrible images of gore,
that would make me want to cry.
I told my mommy this,
tears in my eyes.
She told me to think of good things,
happy things,
not-so-dark things.
So I did.
When I would see angry faces and sharp claws,
I would turn them into smiling maidens,
and tender hands,
that would hold me and keep me safe.
As I grew,
the fear waned,
and I could go to sleep
without conjuring thoughts of sunnier days.
But it still remained.
The fear still clenches me sometimes.
The darkness grabs at my throat,
trying to scare me like it did when I was little.
I need music playing,
to keep it away.
I can't close my eyes,
in fear that if I open them again,
something will be standing over me.
I know it's irrational,
but my heart outweighs my mind in this matter.
I feel so alone at night.
I feel the blackness engulfing me,
pulling me towards insanity.
I wish I wasn't ly
:iconcarmellaleigh:CarmellaLeigh 1 0
time to go
I love hearing the music
clearly beating in my ears.
The way it can block anything out,
is almost magical.
If I want to forget the world for a little while,
the only tools I need is an MP3 player,
and a pair of headphones.
So simple.
Such an easy conclusion to the end of worry,
Just close your eyes,
play the music,
and let yourself forget.
on a particularly terrible night,
when all I could hear were screams
echoing in my ears,
I locked myself in the car.
I put the keys in the ignition and
played the radio.
All the doors were locked,
and I was happy to be alone.
I cried over all that was wrong.
Then someone disturbed my peace.
They broke the thunderous silence of the music.
The louder I made the music,
the louder they became.
So I screamed.
I screamed like I never screamed before.
It was so loud, but
I didn't care if I woke the neighbors.
My throat burned a little,
like fire was ripping from my mouth.
Like a fire that burned in my heart
was being re
:iconcarmellaleigh:CarmellaLeigh 1 0
my dear friend
How long has it been, since you were laid to rest my dear friend?
Yet I still can not hold back the tears.
I can not manage the pain.
This tears look as if they come from my eyes, but
they actually spring from my heart.
My soul weeps for you.
My throat tries to scream your name, but
I have to hold it back.
No matter where I am, the pain still quakes inside me.
Like thunder it shakes me to tears.
There are so many times a night that I lie awake, staring into the darkness.
I blindly gaze at the picture of you and me, on one of your final days in this world.
And I cry.
I weep for the loss.
I tremble with fear.
I shake with sadness.
I roar in anger.
Why are you gone? I ask myself.
How can this be fair?
The world is dark without you.
It is one endless night.
A black blanket without stars.
When I am about to slip to sleep, the pain comes again.
It is my daily reminder that you are not here;
that you'll never return.
My heart hurts so much.
My cheeks are still wet.
Everyday feels like a strug
:iconcarmellaleigh:CarmellaLeigh 0 0
rest in peace amber
A tribute to murdered teen Amber Dubois
As people passed you by,
with a smile and a wave,
you looked into their eyes and saw their souls.
Whenever I would cry and forget who I was,
you'd comfort me by looking into my eyes,
so that I could see the spirit you saw in me.
You loved everyone and everything,
whether animal or human being,
and always sought to protect them from harm.
You had the power to make a weeping friend grin,
with a single look,
and the ability to drench a room with happiness with a single smile.
You touched so many lives,
leaving imprints in our hearts,
making us aspire to love more generously.
You always saw light in darkness, day in night,
and good in evil,
no matter how desperate the situation seemed.
Never did you just look at a person;
no, you saw them.
You saw into the deepest, most honest depths of their soul.
You were missing for so long,
that we were left yearning for the day,
that you'd smile upon us and remind us who we are and what we're supposed to be.
:iconcarmellaleigh:CarmellaLeigh 0 2
sketch book :D by CarmellaLeigh sketch book :D :iconcarmellaleigh:CarmellaLeigh 0 2 blue winged angel by CarmellaLeigh blue winged angel :iconcarmellaleigh:CarmellaLeigh 0 0 ME by CarmellaLeigh ME :iconcarmellaleigh:CarmellaLeigh 1 3 mixed historical thought by CarmellaLeigh
Mature content
mixed historical thought :iconcarmellaleigh:CarmellaLeigh 0 3
alexander anderson by CarmellaLeigh
Mature content
alexander anderson :iconcarmellaleigh:CarmellaLeigh 1 6
Moi ..? by CarmellaLeigh Moi ..? :iconcarmellaleigh:CarmellaLeigh 0 1
I will not be beat down.
You are not in control of me.
Your dark soul cannot over power my hope, my spirit.
You will not destroy my light.
The painful grip of your words has bruised me.
The fear of your abuse engulfs me.
I hate your presence, your voice, and your words.
I don’t know why you ever returned.
There was a reason you left; there was a reason you were pushed away.
You wreak too much havoc to be allowed to remain.  
For so long, you and your ways have twisted this family.
Your deluded morals, beliefs and values had befuddled us and sent us raging.
I cannot see why anyone can stand being around your blackened soul.
You will leave,
But your rape and pillage of our souls will remain.  
You are blind to your destruction, like a hurricane.
You blow in without warning, leaving us no time to prepare and protect ourselves.
You shatter the window’s glass, rip off the roof, crack the foundation, rip the doors from the hinges, and leave u
:iconcarmellaleigh:CarmellaLeigh 1 0
geisha by CarmellaLeigh geisha :iconcarmellaleigh:CarmellaLeigh 0 3 UNTITLED by CarmellaLeigh UNTITLED :iconcarmellaleigh:CarmellaLeigh 1 0


The Journey by Santorn The Journey :iconsantorn:Santorn 8 2 Anderson x Alucard by meso-moq Anderson x Alucard :iconmeso-moq:meso-moq 551 165 A very perverted joke. by HellsingYaoi
Mature content
A very perverted joke. :iconhellsingyaoi:HellsingYaoi 18 3
The most random face tutorial by Out-of-the-rain The most random face tutorial :iconout-of-the-rain:Out-of-the-rain 2,234 148 Tutorial: female lips by Cataclysm-X Tutorial: female lips :iconcataclysm-x:Cataclysm-X 5,136 245 The Perspective Tutorial by sashas The Perspective Tutorial :iconsashas:sashas 8,392 459 The Penciling Tutorial by sashas The Penciling Tutorial :iconsashas:sashas 4,908 579 Horse Tutorial by Droemar Horse Tutorial :icondroemar:Droemar 10,714 395 Tutorial: how to draw eyes by Cataclysm-X Tutorial: how to draw eyes :iconcataclysm-x:Cataclysm-X 6,637 723 Drawing Angelic Wings Tutorial by Crysa Drawing Angelic Wings Tutorial :iconcrysa:Crysa 16,734 1,869 -Hands Tutorial- by odduckoasis -Hands Tutorial- :iconodduckoasis:odduckoasis 19,818 3,277 The Simpsonzu by spacecoyote The Simpsonzu :iconspacecoyote:spacecoyote 110,214 0 Hall by SnowSkadi Hall :iconsnowskadi:SnowSkadi 11,923 0 Tutorial: Feet and Shoes by kitten-chan Tutorial: Feet and Shoes :iconkitten-chan:kitten-chan 9,722 641 Tutorial: Hands by kitten-chan Tutorial: Hands :iconkitten-chan:kitten-chan 10,582 664 Tutorial: Human Figure by kitten-chan Tutorial: Human Figure :iconkitten-chan:kitten-chan 19,657 1,307



United States
Current Residence: Black Forst, Germany
Favourite genre of music: almost anything
Favourite style of art: anything
MP3 player of choice: Philips
Wallpaper of choice: father anderson!!!
Skin of choice: purple
Personal Quote: insanity is my comeback
  • Listening to: shes got skillz by all4one
  • Reading: Geralds game by Stephen King
i'm never this proud about myself, but i made this amazing video and well, it was totally EPIC! and it was about absolutism and the age of exploration to boot! i was so happy it made everyone laugh and my teacher thought it was so great. I only hope this success continues through the rest of the aspects my life :) I am sooooo happy right now...its kinda pathetic something so simple as a video can make me so happy when ive been so depressed lately...ah well...ill ride the high for as long it will carry me...and also my fortune said my "ideals are within reach"...hmmm what exactly ARE my ideals :P ......


Add a Comment:
Penessence Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2010
Hey thanks so much for the watch :]
adambaka Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2009
Thanks so much for the :+fav:!
Atomicity Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2009  Student Digital Artist
Thanks for the Fave!
SuperPankakes Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2009
Thanks for the watch! :3
Corodo Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2009
hello ^_^
were you the short haired cosplayer at the "Dine with the King" gathering at Dennys?
CarmellaLeigh Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2009
Yes (elena the turk from FF) and u are?
Corodo Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2009
Canada ^_^
CarmellaLeigh Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2009
oh, hello then Canada!
(1 Reply)
FelicitySilver Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2009   Writer
Thanks for the watch! :)
FelicitySilver Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2009   Writer
Hey, nice gallery.
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